Yes, I realize I have failed you in my blogpost upkeep, but you know and I know that my Instagram posts
are blogposts in and of themselves lol.
This time, however, I had way to much to say and not enough room on IG go say it.
Can I share my heart real quick?
January and February have been some tough months for my business. I felt the need to be still when all I wanted to do was move and hustle. I mean, in general I’ve been obedient. Kinda.
- I took on fewer projects than I usually would
- I sat on ideas for new products and didn't advertise much at all(although everything in me wanted to show off all the new ideas I had been developing behind the scenes)
- I turned down opportunities to be a vendor at some incredible events
- I turned down some lucrative partnerships and sponsorships
Do you have any idea how how frustrating it’s been to tell clients NO? To turn down orders that have the potential to bring in a good amount of profit?
And you may be asking, well what happened with the few projects I decided to say YES to?
Well, I felt super uneasy in the pit of my stomach the whole time I was creating them. My anxiety returned and I felt completely burdened by it. It was depressing. I kept convincing myself that I was over reacting, but I felt totally disconnected from the work I once loved.
This, amongst other things, is how I know I was going beyond the jurisdiction of Gods instructions. Yes, I knew I wasn’t being totally obedient but I just wasn't convinced enough to be on board with His method. I just didn’t understand how God expected me to run a small business without fulfilling orders???? Who says no to a custom gift box order from a celebrity stylist? No one in their right mind. So of course I said Yes.
I have been on my knees asking (ok, begging is probably the better word but asking sounds better) for answers and clarity.
My prayers sounded something like this:
“Jesus, I know you see me. I know you have plans for my life but do those plans include provision because I’m losing money out here Father! You told me you wanted us to be the head and not the tail...Please give me a word as soon as you can.... yesterday would have been nice....but I can wait till tomorrow...Amen” Thats what you call an ASAP prayer. lol at me putting in "As soon as possible" requests to the God of the entire universe.lol I'm sure He finds it adorable, like "awwww she thinks I'm on her time schedule when I created time. How cute."
I stayed on my knees seeking answers and all I kept hearing was “Be Still.” 👀 God promised me that if I would just trust Him, He would reveal things to me that could only come in stillness.
Sometime in February I started taking His request a little more seriously and begin to practice stillness. I waited. And waited. And waited. What I discovered is that waiting on God without faithful expectation is stressful. Let me explain.
When you wait on God in full anticipation that He is going to do exactly what He said, exceedingly, and abundantly even, "The wait" doesn't feel like a punishment. It feels like a privelege. A joy.
Let me tell you, I have been nothing BUT Joyful. I've been confused. Irritated. Scared. In denial. Wait on what? Be still for what? ...👀Turn DOWN for what (see what I did there? 😂)
I wasn’t even sure I wanted what I was being told to WAIT for and even if I was what was I supposed to be keeping an eye out for exactly? A vision? A supernatural revelation? A sign? A phone call? A chance encounter with Oprah?
The third week in February I got a little nervous again because I didn’t know if He was going to make me wait until April, the summer or even next fall! There’s no possible way, I thought. He wouldn’t do that to me right? Right??👀 I got money moves to make Sir! (with all due respect to your Holy name)
Well, last Monday night going into the early morning on Tuesday, after fussing all weekend, I finally heard/felt it.
In the middle of the night I got a word and knew what He wanted me to do. He made it clear and plain. I rolled over and woke up my husband to tell him and all he said was “it’s about time, when are you finally going to listen?”. Shade or nah? Obviously, I didn’t like that response in the least.
So I decided to be a big girl and ask the real questions that my heart didn’t want to answer. When are you going to listen and whats the hesitation all about?
- I'm not listening because what God is asking me to do is NOT what I signed up for.
- Frankly, I just don’t want to. I know I talk about obedience a lot but isn’t their an exception? Like when it’s too hard and will take me way out of my comfort zone? Is there some one time pass that excuses us from Purpose until I feel like I'm up for it?
- What I’m supposed to do requires way more of me than I expected.
- I will have to shut doors and opportunities that JUST finally opened!
- I would have to put what I thought was the plan for my life on the back burner
- I risk looking a complete failure. I fear being seen as inconistent. I don't want to be known as the person who can't finish anything (an entirely different blog for an entirely different day)
- It requires a completely 360 degree turn to what I assumed my 2018 would look like.
- I’m not ready.
I thought He was going to give me some amazing ideas for my pillows and instead He gave me a brand new assignment.
Ok, so maybe not so brand new because It’s not the first time He’s shown me but still...
You know what my flesh is saying? I just don’t see how that’s supposed to make me money? I’ve already been obedient by making The Tribe Gathering FREE.com and now you want me to do what???
I can’t. I don’t want to.
Funny thing is, a year ago in March/April I relaunched my store with great excitement and fanfare and now a year later, He’s requiring me to change course.
What will people think? What will they say? Will I look crazy? Inconsistent?
Somewhere deep down inside I know He’s about to take me on a journey that will change my life and the lives of everyone around me. So the wait is over. Its time for obedience to a level I've never experienced before.
Anyone else feeling like He's asking you to go higher than your current capability? I'm with you sis. I'm driving blind singing Jesus Take the Wheel on the top of my lungs.
It's about to be a crazy ride.
Please pray for me and don't just say you will and don't. I need some REAL prayer because the assignment I was just given requires some extra coverage. #sheready #maybe #kindasorta #workingonit