THE LONG WAY HOME.
I’m starting over.
I feel like I’ve been in a constant state of “rebranding” and discovery from the very first time I blogged in March of 2012.
I had just gotten married and in the midst of figuring out what that meant for me so it felt like the next step was to blog about it. My very first words were ” I don’t know what I’m doing”. I wrote about a late blooming quarter life crisis experience. I was lost in a mix between fighting my past, living in my current (and brand new) life, and battling an overwhelming fear of the future (dreams that seemed to completely envelop me day and night).
March 2013-March 2014
By this time I was much stronger (maybe even wiser) and getting some trajectory on my blog. People were reading and commenting and I was getting an influx of attention I could never have imagined. I was handing out hope to women who needed it and it felt awesome.
I was the Costco free sample lady of all things love, dreams, and faith.
Here, I thought, is where I need to be for the rest of my life. I can do this forever.
BUT in my personal life I still felt lost.
I didn’t feel enough. What others assumed was the pinnacle of my existence didn’t even touch the surface of what I dreamed for my life.
Today, I am choosing to start over with a sharper sense of who I am.
I am Sethlina Yaa Afriyie Amakye.
I was born in Ghana, W. Africa.
The family nickname for me is Sethie.
When I say it, it fills my mouth with nostalgia.
It feels like home.
Sethie is to Israel what Lina is to Jacob.
Not that LINA isn’t who I am, but she was the woman I fabricated to fake it till she made it. I became her in pretense.
She is the alter ego I let go too far.
She sets impossible standards of beauty and carries baggage with her that can’t fit on the plane.
She’s perfect (all the time),
prissy, slightly blonde, saddity, and plays down her capability to please the crowd.
She does whatever it takes to be comfortable and keep others comfortable—-often to her own detriment.
This rebranding from “Love, Lina” to “Love, Sethie” may be small and insignificant to the everyday on looker but to those who know ME, it is a homecoming.
It is reclaiming the name my earthly daddy nicknamed me, and the name I envision my heavenly Father prefers.
I am using my name as a catalyst to go back and retrieve myself.
I want to look closely at broken pieces and finally see beauty in it.
My constant, and often down the rabbit hole-ish, search for “enoughness” has been both life changing and frustrating. Life changing because It has allowed me to help other “Alices” of the world on similar trajectories. Frustrating because it also leads me to downplay my light and strength.
Not no mo’. Nope. Not doing it.
This little light of mine is about to shine bright through the cracks of a broken heart that is just as much apart of my story as the perfection myth I’ve carried around for far too long.
If I was standing with a mic in front of a crowd of you, I would raise my glass and say, “Cheers to love of self—even if it took a major world tour detour to get here. You are here and that makes all the difference”.