God is big. God is real. He knows who you are.

Im going to say it again because there are some situations that you have to explicitly and loudly  say it again for the people in the back and the nosebleeds.

He’s BIG.

He’s REAL.

He knows your name.

Oh and in case you didn’t pick up on it lol Yes. This is once again, another long post that Instagram could not contain.

My faith journey in general has been super confusing. (Please read my last few blog posts to catch up or you're about to be like, "what is she talking about"?? )

Lately, however, the clarity has been off the scale!!

Here are the updates:

1.       I FINALLY have concrete proof that my “Be Still” feeling was NOT made up

This “Be Still” thing I’ve been experiencing since January of this year (possibly November of last but I was too busy to pay attention), has been stressing out my LIFE. I felt insane.

First it was like why does this one piece of scripture pop up everywhere I go? I know its on a few of my products but why am I taking it so personal?

It truly felt like it was stalking me. Everywhere I went, there it was! Well, maybe not literally but it kept showing up on different forms.

Be Still. Slow Down. Chill Out. Take A Seat. Shut it down.

All while in the midst of the most profitable season of my almost 3 year stint in entrepreneurship. Why Lawd? It made no sense.

2.       That is until I felt something strange on my right breast. A huge itchy rash that started off in one area and was spreading. Of course being the hypochondriac that I am, I looked it up.

I found out it could be:

A.      A deadly form of breast cancer called Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC)

B.      a mosquito bite

C.      an allergic reaction to my Bra (specifically ones made in China that use a certain formaldehyde)

Note: I may or may not have bought bras from Ali Express. They may or may not have been 😳$6.00 for 12 bras.  

Which one do you think I was convinced it was?

I wasn’t ready to die. I started playing out crazy scenarios and for about 2 weeks I started holding my babies a little longer and loving on my husband by making his favorite foods (in case they needed reminders of their last days with me).  Sounds super morbid now that I think about it.

And this is all happening while my anxiety was on an all time high. I already don’t sleep but this was definitely making it worse.

I finally convinced myself to go to the doctor only to discover that I didn’t have breast cancer (PRAISE JEHOVAH!!!) instead, I found out I was in Hypertensive crisis. My BP was so high I was bound to have a stroke at any moment.


It was super scary. I had to talk my doctor out of hospitalizing me! She literally was about to put me on bed rest. 

Bruh. Talk about frying pan into the fire.

3.       The same week I found out that I could have died, TYRA happened (see IG for that incredible update). I got so many inquiries for custom pillows after that post I had no idea what to do. And you would think that would be it, right? Nope…

...then I was given the opportunity to work with someone I had on my vision board for months, to help her with the launch of her online boutique and

…THEN I got an amazing job offer for a position I had interviewed for MONTHS prior and assumed I hadn’t gotten.

Mind you, all these exciting opportunities was happening literally within a 72 hour period….

Except...I was still in God commanded Time out.

I took a moment to try to connect the dots and Spirit came through with some answers.

Here are the gems that were dropped into my heart! I am praying with all my heart that someone out there benefits from them!

1.       Be Still: I promise I don’t mean to overly refer to this verse but it literally saved my life.
We are so used to the HUSTLE, Don’t sleep, Girl Boss, Be a boss, Stay Hungry mentality that anything counter to that means that “she didn’t want it bad enough” or “she wasn’t cut out for it”.

Remember the Pace of Grace sermon series I was obsessed with last month? It’s a REAL thing. Hustling is actually NOT a requirement for success.

How does one “Hustle and Pray” or whatever catchy saying is prevalent these days without His permission. Some of us are trying to do things in our OWN will without HIS input. We are hustling backwards and then frustrated at why it isn't working.

But I need you to ask yourself a question, why would He ask put our families, health, sanity etc at risk for success? That's never been his m.o.

Is that fat check you want for financial freedom so you can bless others in need, or is it about showing off and proving everyone wrong?

Is that successful business a notch on your belt, or is actually bettering the lives of your clients and customers? (In addition to being able to also provide for your family of course)

Heart posture is EVERYTHING. Intent is crucial. He will humble you.
God was trying to tell me that He needs me to be healthy so that I can walk in purpose, and if that meant taking away any and everything (including a successful business) that would risk my salvation, then He would do it for me. So He did. He shut it ALL the way down.

He said go back to your FIRST WHY. - Spiritual Health -Marital Health-Mental Health-Family Health. If any of those things are being put on the back burner, its an indication that God isn't in it for real.

He put up a brick wall on all my plans, and I’m so grateful He did. Relieved almost.

I was so busy chasing a fake purpose. I wanted to win souls but also wanted to make it rain and also wanted to show off and stunt for the gram.

If your intentions aren’t aligned with Jesus, don’t be afraid to pivot. Chase purpose not fame. You will be blessed.

2.       Do not make seasonal situations into lifelong death sentences.

Just because I’m pulling back in this season doesn’t mean I won’t be working my butt off (sidebar: working hard and hustling are two different things) in the next to get my business and ministry back to where I feel it has been called to go. This time it will be done with more sleep and less grind.

Take your life lessons and apply them to the next! Do not assume that your stagnation is permanent.

I accepted the job offer with the understanding that I needed to remove the most immediate stress (finances) for a little bit. A moment. Temporarily...... Or even long term if that’s what He wants for me. Whatever His clock says, that’s what I’ll do.

3.       REMINDER: He sees you.

I do not believe for a second my breast cancer scare was by accident. He knew he needed to get me into the doctors before a stroke or heart attack got the best of me.

I also do not believe Tyra Banks or helping out with a boutique, or this job was a mistake. It was His way of showing me where He could take me if I would just pull up a chair at His feet and rest for a moment. A foreshadowing-if you will- of what is to come.

I chose the job over full time entrepreneurship (for now) but I am at complete peace. This is the most peaceful and calm that I’ve felt in years of being a Stay at Home Mom and business owner.

He knows my name. How do I know? My blood pressure told me so (as of yesterday it was 119/70!! Yassss)


I know that was a bit long-winded and such but there is so much clarity that has come out of this I HAD to share.

I’ll have to make a Part 2 of this post to fully lay out all the stuff that God is downloading into my spirit.


Talk soon!



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